THE MAX ALLEN REPORT
Volume #06260805 June 26, 2023
ON A PLANE WITH A VAMPIRE
A late night interview in 1st Class with one of the un-dead
Max at
I was on a flight
from
This is a short but
revealing interview I conducted with lots of time on my hands. This
is my interview, a short discussion really, on a plane with a vampire.
Click the link to see
the whole, unedited show: https://www.facebook.com/max.allen.73700136/videos/1294880768008325
Below is a transcript of my interview
with a 'real' vampire
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ME: Please introduce
yourself to us if you will.
HE: My name is
Daedelus, and I am a vampire. I'm not one simply seeking attention nor do
I suffering delusions. I am a vampire, a creature of the night, one of
the un-dead.
ME: So, you're a
real, blood-sucking, fly-around-like-a-bat vampire. Can you expound a
little?
HE: So long as you do not
mock me, I will
continue. My story begins over 645 years ago when I was 'taken into' the family of
Dracula, the Prince of The Kingdom of the Un-dead. At the time of my
being 'taken' I was 23 years of
age and lived in the city of
Of course, he being a
vampire, he never died. It is regular practice for us to assume new
identities after time, usually when people around us begin to take note of our
seemingly eternal youth. He is alive today living still in
He is ageless, and I
cannot begin to guess how old he really is, as he's quite temperamental when it
comes to discussing his age. The closest any of 'us' can guess is about
1,200 years ... give or take a century, [show humour].
ME: Do you still 'hunt'
people? I mean, does this still go on?
HE: Of course not.
Do you think me a barbarian? I drink animal blood almost exclusively, but
on rare occasion enjoy the flavour, the bouquet and body of human blood.
There's a taste difference that a discerning pallet immediately recognizes.
ME: But, you said
you don't hunt people anymore.
HE: We won't talk of the
past, but I do not fly down from the rooftops or prowl the parks for prey, not
people anyway. Most vampires are law-abiding immortals who wouldn't
be 'caught dead' so to speak ... drinking directly from a human.
It's a messy business
that. With today's myriad sexually transmitted diseases and questionable
viruses going around we, most of us anyway, only partake of carefully screened
blood.
We are largely
financially well-to-do and have interests in blood banks, plasma centers, and
have access to morgues, mortuaries, and hospitals of course.
ME: You had me worried for
a bit. Tell me of your super powers. Are they the stuff of legend
or is there some truth in it?
HE: My powers: It's funny you
should refer to my talents as 'powers'. I suppose that comes of reading too
many Superman comic books.
I, by the way, have
every Superman comic ever published since the first, and all are in absolutely
pristine condition. Yes, my passion for comics has left me a most
valuable collection among my many other literary works.
Powers, talents,
abilities ... let's see. I am immensely strong according to my
own basic constitution. I have the strength of perhaps a dozen strong men
but am not bullet-proof. I can be shot, stabbed, poisoned, thrown from
buildings and all manner of violence can be preferred against me but I HEAL VERY QUICKLY! I've been run
through with a sword, shot with bullets, stabbed and slashed with many edged
weapons only to immediately heal and often enact my revenge on he who has
assaulted me.
ME: Can you be killed?
HE: I can die but will not tell you
how. Suffice it to say that Bram Stoker didn't get it all
right. I can fly, but only if I transform into a flying animal such as
a Raven or a Bat. Yes, vampires can take on animal form and that form
need not meet the physical constraints of a human. I can, for example,
take on the form of a large wolf, a tiger, and even an Indian elephant. I
can dissolve into smoke and pass through even the most skilfully crafted joints
and crevices of mortar and stone. Through keyholes and under
doors, that's easy. I've done that a million times!
ME: Will the sun's rays
really kill you?
HE: I am extremely
sensitive to direct rays from the sun, feeling only discomfort as long as I
stay in strong shade, such as in the shadow of a tall building or the shade of
a tree, or under a good parasol for that matter. It is the naked or
lightly filtered sunlight such as through a thin veil of clouds that can harm
me. I avoid the painful presence of sunlight always, living by night as I
have for so many centuries.
When I travel in daylight, I am always
driven by a manservant who keeps me in the back of the car in total or near
total darkness. Ah, thanks be to whomever invented window tinting!
ME: So, you're saying that
sunlight can kill you?
HE: Let's move
along. I am rather well to do, and some would even go as far as to
say, 'filthy
rich',
although that's a term I really don't appreciate.
Having had so many
years to invest wisely and set aside a little from time to time. I can
say that my long-term investments have done well, but of course not without
losses.
ME: Can you let me in on
your investment tips? You seem to have done well.
HE: Have you got about 600
years ahead of you? If so, then I would be happy to share them with
you. Otherwise they'd be worthless to you.
It is said that "History is a mirror." and here Li
Shiminn, 2nd Emperor of the Qing Dynasty, couldn't have been more right.
I have had the good
fortune to live so long as to understand and even predict the repetitive cycles
of history as man flourishes, fails, and generally bumbles about with no more
aim and focus than a young child.
Keeping this in mind
many of us have easily survived times of war and great financial turmoil
through the centuries. We've been able to precious things such as gold,
diamonds, and precious works of art and their fluctuating values. And
most of all we've been able to see the swing of the pendulum of governments and
civilizations as they wax and wane like the moon.
My name is Daedalus,
and I am a vampire.
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It was here that
Daedalus shut down the interview saying simply that "it is finished.'
He was a brilliant conversationalist and we talked on all matter of things and
his own first-hand recollections of memory from over the past 600 plus years.
Few people can be more
fascinating than a vampire, so it seems. His demeanor, carriage, and personality in general
were excellent. This is a man of refinement and class yet with a certain
sense of dangerousness that cannot be ignored. I spoke with him, listened
far more than usual, and learned so much from him.
In conclusion of
the flight, I asked for
contact information, and we exchanged
business cards. I have made an acquaintance with whom I hope to further
contact. I am not afraid of him because I understand him ... to some
extent. I don't expect him to rip my throat out or do any of the many
dastardly deeds spoken of in legend, radio drama, movies, and television.
In conclusion I would
say, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
I'm Max, and that's the way I see it!
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