* * * * THE ZEUS HERD: A PROGRESS REPORT * * * *

 THE MAX ALLEN REPORT

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Volume #100222-1545                              October 2, 2022

A DAY WITH THE DOCTOR

Zeus and family get checkups, but no inoculations

Added security is in place, the Eurimbula is safe.

Our mob is doing quite well at this time.  Dr. Subramaniam and his nurse have now given all of Zeus’ family checkups and have drawn blood.  “It’s interesting.” Says the doctor; “The calves behave just like little children as compared to their parents.  When I handle a calf, it must be with the utmost care, concern, and love.  It seems the mothers get nervous when their little ones are out of sight so I perform all procedure in their presence.  It also seems the calves calm down a great deal with ‘mummy’ present.”

At their one-month-old place they are all weighing in at about eighty to ninety pounds heavier than at birth.  They are all at about two hundred fifty pounds.  I asked Dr. Subramanian if this was normal [gaining about twenty-five pounds per week] and he said that it appears to be quite normal for them.

Even with this terrific weight gain, the calves are boisterous, full of energy, and spend most of their time exploring their surroundings, learning about their environment, watching television and gamboling as youngsters do.  Says Adel, a veterinary nurse; “Its fun just to watch them as they grow and learn at a surprising rate.  All three of the young seem to be experimenting with ‘standing up’ and even taking some steps while up on their hind legs.”

The older two of the calves are bulls, one is a heifer.  It seems the bulls are a little more precocious in development, but not that far ahead of ‘little sister’.  They play with a large ball, butting it back and forth with their heads, and surprisingly they also kick the ball around.  When not playing in the field they watch a lot of television … I mean a lot!

Aubrey Santorini, a veterinary psychology intern says; “They [all of the cows] will sit in front of the television and watch it most intently.  They can sit still for an hour just watching and obviously listening.  We’ve blocked any scenes of violence as these upset the cattle greatly.  Whenever they see gunfire, explosions, etc. they become agitated and begin to moo and even growl.  The young ones will cuddle up to their mothers.  This is a very human reaction and I wonder how it has come to be with these animals.”

What we have thus far is a family behaving like a family.  We’ve seen Zeus discipline a calf.  We’ve seen heifers correcting their young.  We’ve seen the children play and wrestle as well as ‘running races’ with one another.  They seem quite interested in the fence and spend a great deal of time inspecting and ‘testing’ the fence.

Says Aubrey Santorini; “I remember the first time a calf leaned against the fence and got quite a jolt as the electrified fence did its job.  The calf cried out and Zeus and a heifer came running up.  No damage done, but it seems the entire family has learnt not to touch the fence at all.  Fascinating.”

Susan Collier, the facility’s head nurse says this of her new charges; “They’ve all become quite comfortable with their human handlers and caregivers.”

“They will readily accept food from the hand and seem to have a bit of a sweet tooth.  A few cubes of sugar will get any one of them competing for that same treat.”

With court orders of protection and privacy in place the staff can work at their own pace and without worry of intruders.  The security personnel all carry an attitude of kindness and professionalism.  The soldiers recently introduced to the facility will actually line up for an opportunity to pet one of the calves and to feed them treats such as sliced apples and, on occasion, sliced pineapple or strawberries.

The only things which are remarkable are the calves’ efforts to ‘walk on two legs’, and a peculiar form of communication the family has developed.  With the exception of the six ‘purloined’ cattle, they are communicating in a series of grunts, moos, and what seem to be imitative sounds.  One of the young bulls will, so it seems, try and imitate the sounds of human speech.  Zeus himself has shown this ability which bears further study.  Is it trying to ‘talk’?

“What I’ve seen.” Says Captain McMahon, security chief of the Eurimbula Park, “are the continued efforts of one group of instigators in particular trying to enter the park.  The park has been in partial lock-down for a few weeks now, but the buggers keep trying.  Even though we’ve made about a half dozen arrests, they’ve been for ‘misdemeanor trespass’.  I’ve asked for special authority to charge any trespassers with a federal crime under the Commonwealth Security Act.  We’ll then be able to treat trespassers as Domestic Terrorists.  With this authority we’ll operate under entirely different ‘rules-of-engagement’ and this will give my people and me the ability to stop all attempts to violate the park perimeter.  We’ve already been authorized to use deadly force if necessary but with great restriction.  Current ‘rules-of-engagement’ are a reminder of how restricted we were in Afghanistan.  Those rules should not apply here, and I hope for a judgment from Magistrate’s Court any day now!”

It is expected that Dennis Chang, magistrate, will write a judicial order permitting arrest and detention of willful trespassers charging them with ‘Acts of Terror’ or ‘Attempted Acts of Terror’, either of which is a serious crime punishable by virtually any means available.  You can sneak into the park, get caught, get a beating, get a very speedy trial, and end up in ‘The Circle’, [Goulburn Correctional Centre, Australia’s Super-Max Prison] for the rest of your life.

Well, in my less-than-humble opinion these trespassers should be given a severe beating and chucked onto the road without a car.  Let them walk back to where they come from.  The Zeus Herd needs constant protection, especially now.

I’m Max, and that’s the way I see it!