* * * HI-HO, HI-HO, IT'S OFF TO COURT THEY GO! * * *

 THE MAX ALLEN REPORT

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Volume #09042022-1515                              September 4, 2022

HI HO, HI HO, IT’S OFF TO COURT WE GO!

Zeus has secured legal counsel, so let the games begin!

A furor has erupted over the Zeus Herd taking shelter in the Eurimbula National Park, and it seems they’re in no hurry to leave.  A suit has been brought before the courts by CSIRO legal counsel, Abraham Aaronsen, to have the Zeus Herd removed from the park and returned to the research facility in Rockhampton.

Aaronsen says, “The removal of property from our facility is a wrongful act.  The wrong must be made right in returning the rightful property consisting of three heifers and one bull of the Hereford Breed of cattle.”

Legal Counsel for the defence, the Right Honourable Kevin Healy McArdle has accepted the case on behalf of Zeus and is functioning on a pro bono basis.  Says McArdle, “The use of the word ‘property’ is offensive and prejudicial in every way.  No one can claim ownership over another.  The Commonwealth has banned slavery since 1833, that’s nearly 200 years!”

A preliminary hearing of the case is to be argued in Magistrates Court in October.  In the meanwhile His Worship Dennis Chang [magistrate assigned to this case] has issued an order of restraint and protection preventing CSIRO and or anyone representing them in any way from entering the Eurimbula.  Yes, this order bans them from the park in its entirety.

In the mean time Zeus’ mates; Metis, Themis, and Eurynome are close to delivering their calves.  Also Mrs. Wilhemina Crutchfield, the woman who knows Zeus so well, has been summoned to render aid as interpreter and advisor to the service of the defense.  She is being housed in park guest housing and enjoys full access to the Zeus mob.  A large animal veterinary doctor has also been summoned to assist in the delivery of the calves.

Dr. Gopal Subramaniam, DVM, has given the herd physical examinations and has proclaimed them all to be in excellent health.  Says Dr. Subramaniam, “A healthier mob I’ve never seen.  They’re alert [frighteningly so], healthy, and seem to actually be enjoying themselves.  The bull is very protective of his heifers, but we quickly reached an understanding as I examined the heifers.”

In addition, three utility trucks towing trailers have brought in 6 mounted officers of the AFP [Australian Federal Police] and 8 horses with full gear.  They have been put under the command of local constable, Fred Bailey, and will work in conjunction with park security and the ranger force.  Poaching has become a major concern even though the magistrate has ruled that CSIRO may not endorse any financial remuneration or reward in connection with the Zeus Mob.

Says AFP Police Sergeant Herman Hauser, “It’s been made known there’s no reward anymore and that the cattle are off limits to anyone not specifically authorised to do so.  We’ll bust anybody who violates the magistrate’s decision.”  There’s a ‘zero tolerance’ policy on trespassers and poachers.  He says that ‘deadly force’ has been authorized in any animal poaching within the park.

CSIRO’s got a tiger by the tail and Zeus has help from so many sides.  May God bless you and your heifers.

I’m Max, and that’s the way I see it!